✖ myARTOFLIFE : it went up in smokes

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|evelyn|ravenxeve|
16 going on forever || 23/7/91
ravenxeve@gmail.com
~~DLSS~~||~~KSS~~||ajc
this is me forever

Scars and Tears... [ 21:18 ]

[angst][mxm slash][homophobes, skip this][self-harm/blood][<> denotes pov change]

Indeed, reality seems far
When a rose is in love with you
Slaves of our hearts, that's what we are
We loved and died where roses grew
~ Xandria, Like a rose on the grave of love

Stop looking at me; I can't bear it anymore. The penknife slipped from my hand, dropping to the floor with a soft thud. It breaks the sudden silence. You stared into my eyes unblinkingly, I flinched from those emerald depths as I tried to hide my wrist behind me.
"What... how long have you been... watching?" I asked, willing my voice not to break.
You remained expressionless, eyes unreadable. "Long enough."
I bit my lip, trying to keep from crying, trying not to see the pity or disgust that would be in your eyes. Unable to stop the tears, I rubbed at my eyes, ignoring the spilled blood drops on the floor. What else could I do?

I remembered... the cutting begun when I was in eight grade, when I tried... tried to create a different sort of pain, to replace the pain I felt inside. All the hatred, all the guilt, all the anger, everything... so unbearable. Even though you know it's not possible to just forget the pain, it's still worth a try, right?

<><><>

I can't understand his thinking, can't understand his desire to be hurt, to feel pain. It's unfair that he's hurting so badly inside and I can't do anything, nothing to help him. He's just too stubborn like that, and all that is left for me to do, is to simply accept his flawed misconception.

The scars and scratches on his hands remind me of the 'love' my mother showered me. She was from a wealthy and influential family, and having me out of wedlock was scandalous. Driven out of her home, she grew bitter and hated me. And I, defenceless from her, bore the pain silently as she went mad slowly. Love was a thorned rose, a two edged sword, and I could relate to him and his desire for blood. Because it is proof that we're alive, shouting to the world that we exist, out of the billions of people, there is meaning to our existences. We live...

<><><>

Your touch is so gentle, a feather-light caress soothing my skin, as you carefully bandage my wrist. And your embrace is so warm, enveloping me whole. Would time stop for us? I just want to stay like this, forever. In your eyes, I see acceptance, however reluctant it may be, it eases me to know that you aren't sickened by my actions, instead you know how I feel. Maybe that's why I fell in love with you in the first place. Because you don't judge me, you don't expect anything from me, you don't put me a pedastral and complain when I fall. You make me feel... alive, and I love you for that.

I know about your insecurities, your fear of being unwanted, being thrown away, your hatred of being touched by people, and I'm glad to say that I have worked my way through those thorns. It is these flaws that make me feel worthy of you, worthy of the rare smiles you show me, the unguarded faces that you make when you sleep, the long chats into the dead of the nights we have. I knew what to do now...

<><><>

"Would you stop cutting yourself?" I asked, not really caring about the answer, because it wouldn't change how I feel about him. The love ran too deep, the mutual emotion we share. His answer surprised me. A soft 'yes', but was still a firm affirmative. I blinked.

He slipped his smaller hand in mine, and weaved our fingers together. "Will you be there for me?" he asked, eyes concentrated on our linked hands. "I will always be here, until you tire of me, now and forever." I sealed my lips over his lightly, a promise.

<><><>

And I made a silent promise to myself; to bring out the true you that had been suppressed inside due to all those treatments you received. Because it's alright now, we're no longer alone. We can't be alive if our hearts don't heal, and we can't move on from here.

|| Your wings at mine we will never fall ||

Finally, it ended... this angsty oneshot that I wrote in a spur of the moment. I tried a new style of writing, using the second person point of view, and switching around to the first person point of view with the two characters. Notice that they're nameless, and instead, I used the POV switch to differentiate them. 678 words, hmm, kind of short I guess, and I didn't quite like the explanations; I felt it was too brief... and yes, I like to slash characters. Not much action except a teeny weeny kissing scene which was totally vanilla, because I wouldn't know how it feels to be kissed and would not like to attempt a half-hearted job. Heh, I'm just plain lazy. The last line is also from Xandria, the song is called 'Now and Forever', and I totally love the intro, so rockish.

Labels: writing