Do you regret having me?
Do you wish that you killed me in the beginning, so you won't have all this trouble?
If you have so much to say, why did you make this choice?
I never asked for all this grief, I never asked to live. Is death perhaps a better choice? I don't know.
I didn't ask you to spent those resources; you did so yourself, so why are you turning around to stab me?
If there were so much to nitpick about me, why didn't you just mold me accordingly to your wishes when I was still malleable?
Why can't you just take me as I am?
What is so bad about me?
Am I not fit to live in this world?
Am I not supposed to be here? But you're the one who felt that I should live.
Is this how life is meant to be? Second guessing oneself, trying to find a place where I'm needed to be.
I don't know why I'm here, except that I'm here because you decided that I should live. But what gives you that automatic decision of life and death?

Do you know that sometimes you're so easy to hate?
Do you know that I hurt myself just to forget the pain?
Do you know that I hate myself because I'm who I am?
Do you know that it's not my choice that I'm what I am?
Do you know that I never wished to be me?
Do you know that I'll do anything just not to be me?

You say so much, you do so much, and in the end?

I don't want to have to change, this is me. The real me. If you can't accept me for who I am, then what's the point of saying so much? If you can't accept me, then what's the point of loving me? The demands that you make, the things you want from me, all this... you might as well never have me.

Can you hear that breaking sound? It's the end of my patience, the end of my limits.
But I'm too scared to do anything more. Too tired to pick up any pieces. Because what is the point, when I'm just going to break again? Please, won't you just ignore me, and forget about me?

I cannot be what I am not.
I cannot be what you want me to be.
I cannot live the way you think I should live.
I am simply just me.
Will you just stop wanting from me?

Labels: family, life, rant