Discontentment with my life, there's so much that I need to do, so much more that I should be doing. But here I am, feeling pathetic for myself, feeling that there's just something missing in my life. Something... I don't really have a name for it...

The Chinese have some sort of a saying about how they would rather have a bosom buddy than all the treasures in the world. [pardon my shoddy translation since I don't remember the exact quote but the bare bones of it] And sometimes, selfishly, to myself, I wonder if there was anyone out there who could share my soul. A friend in which I can relate everything to, a friend who can understand everything that I tell, a friend who can hold intellectual discussions with me, banter with me and teach me to grow up. I used to think that Eva was that friend, but lately, she's been away more and more often, caught up in her own life. It would be selfish of me to chain her down beside me. It would only show her that I am just a childish and needy kid.

Even with the advanced technology shrinking down the world, the world is still very large. And sometimes, you just wonder if there was someone out there waiting just for you. Or would the two of you never meet, but live your life out in a vague loneliness, seeking to fill the hole with empty pleasures, never knowing what exactly was wrong.

Okay, that was sort of written for one of my stories, but I felt that it was somehow related to me anyway... so yeah, dumped it here.

Is it wrong for me to feel like this? When I do have close friends that I can rely on? Am I allowed this selfishness of mine? Because isn't life so much more, more than merely trivial events that will not matter as time sweeps past us all.

Perhaps I'm just born an old soul, with such cynicism in my eyes that causes me to be easily bored. Someday, I hope to travel across the world, not travelling in style, instead, I want to see people of all walks of life, experience everything possible, and live as the wind blows me to, not tied down by anyone or anything. Is this merely a wishful dream when life's expectations pull me down into a sea of work and more work, of endless routines and fixed schedules?

cos u know u want one