2007 is coming to a close, just like all the previous years that I have lived through. Nothing spectacular, nothing exactly impressive, so don't really expect fireworks to come shooting out of the sky.

Was this a fruitful, productive year? I don't really know. What sets it apart from the other years? Similarly, I don't know exactly. Time, hours and minutes, days and weeks, they come and pass. But am I still the same that I was yesterday, or will I still be the same tomorrow? I can't tell, but I am sure that nothing remains stagnant, and like the clear waters that I adore, I am ever changing, which is good, I think. Nothing is more useless than something that is unable/refuses to change. Perhaps that is something that I need to remember when I get angry.

Things that I should change about myself:
[1] My patience, or the lack of it.
Yeah, I get riled up every so often, especially when it comes to my mother nagging at me. I provoke easily, and I seriously HATE being criticized, unless you're a stranger or I'm not close to you because I don't give a flying fuck about what strangers think of me. See, I'm getting all aggressive just by thinking aloud in my head what to type. What's the point of meditation and calming exercises if you just get all worked up over little things?

[2] Procrastination in general
Okay, so I should act laziness to the list, but it's only natural to lump laziness with me already. Everyone and I mean everyone knows about this giant flaw. I've read in various magazines that people born in the Year of the Sheep are inclined to laziness, but perhaps I have been hit the worst. Oh well, can't change that, haha. Because I am tooooo lazy to try.
Seriously though, procrastination is the BIGGEST problem I have. It's not really that I lack motivation to work, but sometimes, well, okay, most of the time, I plan to work, but end up changing the plan because if you think about it, what's the point of working today when you need to work tomorrow too? Or is that just my own lazy philosophy? (laughs)

[3] Materialism
In simpler terms, I'm a selfish and greedy bastard and I ought to be shot so that my flesh can be given to cannibals so that I might actually be useful for once in my life. So many human desires and I'm not above to using underhanded methods to get my way.

[4] Play Nice
I should try to stop facing the days with scowls and more scowls. But it uses less muscles than punching someone Because even stupid people deserves to be smiled at before you crush them with the back of your pointy heel. Okay, fine, I don't really wear heels. You get the mental image and their shocked stupid faces. Can you imagine it?
Oh yeah, I said to play nice. Well, I can put in an effort, I am sure. Gods willing that they put in more effort in acquiring MORE brains. Not in the Sylar way, of course.

[5] Facades
Masks that we wear to face the world, masks that we wear to face our demons, and the masks that we wear to face our loved ones. And when we find that we can't recognize ourselves, we panic and we blame others and ourselves for being so fake, and we angst and we mope. Why can't they simply get the fact that perhaps we need these masks for something? Like we need clothes before we go out of the house, or even out of the bathroom because Singapore has some pretty damned modesty laws. Whatever, man.
I'm PROUD of the fact that I wear many masks, and many people don't even know who I truly am. Perhaps I don't too, though I do have a hint. And perhaps, looking back all the way to the past that Cancerians adore (because I am at least half) I never changed from that weak, snivelling brat with a too large heart for this world. And that's a giant leap of faith because I could be a total wolf tearing into human flesh like paper. (Darren Shan's Demonta influence. Just finished Blood Beast. Great book. Read it, damnit.)

[6] Faith in Humanity?
I am not exactly sure if I need that. Or if there really is goodness in strangers. See, that's why I need this.

[7] Determination
Because seriously, procrastination sometimes really do suck. And I want to change that.

Labels: life, rant