It all started on a normal day, pretty cold, but still relatively normal. Maths was dreadful, and so in order to stay awake and looking alive, Faza and I collaborated on this crack!fic after playing rounds of Hangman, Harry Potter!style. If you want to retain your little grasp of sanity, I advise you to start running now, far far away.
Warnings: CRACK!!!1 Random scenes, random people entering in and out for no good reason, mpreg, gayness, crossdressing.
Faza's lines are in blue, mine are in green.
Yes, it's not supposed to make sense.
DISCLAIMER: we don't own anything you see here, well, Sue's mine, but you can take her if you want.
It was a dark and stormy night. [cliche, I know. That's the whole bloody point]
It was noisy.
Everyone was in the headquarters, coming up with a strategy.
It was very noisy... [thanks for that, Faza]
"STOP! Shut up, everybody!" the blonde yelled angrily.
The blonde is bimbotic, by the way. Typical. Anyway, she loves peanuts. [OMG! First sign of crack!]
But everyone fell silent at her command, cowering in fear.
The blonde rose to her full height and stared at everybody hungrily, "Shut up before I EAT you!!!" [another sign of crack!]
She received a nod from everyone, hence she sat down again, feeling satisfied.
Suddenly, a big, burly man barged into the room.
90% of the people screamed, even the guys, in a particularly high pitch. [CRACK!]
"Hooooo! The sound of music!!!"Everyone suddenly sang and the man laughed madly.
The blonde, let's call her Sue, jumped to her feet, 'The mountains are alive!!!" she sang - no, screeched horribly.
Then she paused awkwardly and started quacking.
The intruder who had waved his wand to silence her, grinned.
The intruder was Harry Potter! *GASP* [More crack...]
"Mhahahaha! No! I am Harry Potter's identical twin! But I AM EVIL!!"
There was a loud 'pop' sound and Legolas the elf appeared.
Sue fainted dramatically and lands in Legolas' arms.
Legolas was disgusted, released his hands and Sue fell to the floor.
There was another 'pop' sound and another Harry Potter appeared!
Legolas clapped his hands happily and rushed to Harry, "Darling!"
"Oh Lego dear, I missed you!" Harry replied, grinning. "But first! I have no twin! He! He is an intruder under the effects of polyjuice!"
"He..." Legolas started, and then looked forlorn. "He's Gimli. He was pissed because I called him a short grubby man with a small knob."
Everyone gasped and Harry slapped Legolas angrily, "You slept with him! I can't believe this! I am pregnant with your child here! I hate you!"
Legolas took an arrow in anger and shot Harry but was astonished to see Harry turning into Gimli.
The real Harry blinked dumbly, "This is confusing. Legolas, you can change back to Draco now."
"I am NOT DRACO! And aren't you supposed to be dead?!"
"No... you killed Gimli, not me... and yeah, you are Draco, under the influence of Imperio by your father." Harry replied.
Legolas then changed into Cardcaptor Sakura and turned Harry into a card, named 'Crapola'. [Don't ask me, I have no bleeding clue]
Sue groaned, "Why me?!" and promptly threw Sakura out of the window.
Then, Sakura flew back into the room and used her Legolas card to kill Sue.
Sue grimaced and died, screeching like a banshee. All windows broke.
All of a sudden, Voldemort stormed into the room, wearing nothing but boxer shorts. [streaker on the loose!]
"Snape! Where the hell are you?! I want my coffee-vodka now!" he yelled.
Voldemort ventured to a mirror in the wall, smiled at his reflection and yelled, "I am sooooooo HOT! Hooohoo!" [Yeah, right, Voldie, dream on.]
Snape handed him his drink, "Yes, my lord. You look gorgeous." he said, turning a pale sickly green.
"I am so hot! I can't wait to go shopping! OMG, there's a new Prada shop! Ooh! Fabulous! I'm gonna be more gorgeous!" Voldemort danced.
"Have you forgotten? Potter is dead, you can have world domination now." Snape snapped.
"And you will be if I don't get the newest Prada bag!" Voldmort sang and then slipped into a fabulous Prada dress. (He was naked before >.<)
Snape huffed and apparated away, apparently to get the bag.
Then Barney appeared.
Everyone screamed at the purple dinosaur, "Incendio!" someone yelled, setting Barney on fire.
But Barney couldn't be burnt. He was made of polyester, that's hard to burn.
Seeing that he couldn't be killed, the others, in desperation, jumped out of the window and died.

Labels: random, writing